


All These Things That I've Done

by theseusrambles



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Slight Canon Divergence, Slightly altered canon, Spirit Albarn-Centric, THEYRE IN LOVE GODDAMNIT, best friends to strangers to friends to lovers, i guess?, i wrote this at 4am while high yall dont judge me, inspired by All These Things That Ive Done by The Killers go listen to that song, kind of?, man idk, mending unhealthy relationships, more like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29214411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theseusrambles/pseuds/theseusrambles
Summary: "He’s still shaky and feels insane, because he’s happy and terrified and furious and they’re back to stupid banter just like old times, but Spirit isn’t paying attention, because he’s anxious and nervous and panicky, and he thinks it’s fucked up that he’s so happy seeing Stein."-or, spirit and stein reconnecting after years apart and finally trying to fix their broken relationship :)
Relationships: Spirit Albarn | Death Scythe/Franken Stein
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	All These Things That I've Done

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys!! i wrote this just for fun when i was feeling bad so it kinda sucks but !!! i decided to post this bc we need more spirit/stein that isnt created by f*joshis fetishizing mlm relationships :)

He’s not supposed to think about his ex-partner; he hasn’t allowed himself. For the past fifteen years, he has not thought of the man for more than a second; a passing thought; a momentary weakness.

Subconsciously, though, he’s thought of him. Spirit can’t control his mind when he’s asleep, so he dreams of resonance and electricity and the blinding light of the operating table.

Somewhere along the line, he has simultaneously forgiven Stein and grown to despise him.

But, things can’t stay simple. He doesn’t know why he ever thought they could avoid each other forever; their reunion was inevitable. As the best weapon and the best meister (who, together are the best weapon-meister duo imaginable, nearly surpassing Death himself), Spirit should have seen the meeting coming.

Perhaps, in some back corner of his mind, he did. But his thoughts of Stein were locked so far back in his brain, he didn’t realize it consciously. 

The day that Death had told him, Spirit had gotten shitfaced.

He finally allowed himself to think about Stein. Allowed himself to feel the hurt, and the fear, and the longing, and anger, and the sadness, and the dull ache residing in his chest that was now a raging storm of fear, and excitement, and nervousness. 

He drinks and remembers until he can’t bear it anymore, so he drinks more to forget.

Alcohol had become somewhat of a cure in his eyes; it could provide a momentary solution. He knows that if Stein saw him like this he’d roll his eyes and snap at him to get up, but then gently allow him to lean on his shoulder as they walked out.

He misses Stein, but there is a worse feeling overpowering the longing. He doesn’t know if it’s anger or fear or crazy, manic-like ecstasy, but he’s afraid because the feeling reminds him of Stein. Reminds him of the times they spent with their souls mixing together in a maelstrom of emotion and power, of moments where they were truly one. Spirit and Stein. Stein and Spirit.

He had always assumed that the mania was all Stein’s doing; he only ever felt it while resonating, so he thought that those were Stein’s emotions, too mixed in with his own to decipher.

But now, after fifteen years of being apart, he feels it, and he feels it when he’s completely himself, and he realizes that oh, maybe Stein wasn’t the only crazy one.

He falls asleep on the couch of his studio apartment, perhaps too lazy to drag himself to his bed, or perhaps feeling nostalgia for the nights he’d spend at his wife’s house on the couch after a particularly nasty fight, and he’d think and think, and he’d manage to convince himself he wasn’t thinking of Stein.

-

His reunion with Stein is in the nurse’s office. Perhaps he knows that Stein is coming, and that is why he flings himself at the door. Perhaps he is unaware, even that he knows until his face is buried in Stein’s chest and he inhales and it smells like cigarettes and coffee and rubbing alcohol, and it smells like home.

Stein knows. He knows that Spirit reaches out to him, subconsciously wanting and consciously confused. Both he and Spirit are well aware of this fact; they’ve always had an uncanny way of reading each other.

Spirit isn’t sure whether he should laugh or cry, and he lets out a sound that resembles a dying animal, and leaps away from Stein. Not in fear, not in disgust, but in embarrassment. 

He’s still shaky and feels insane, because he’s happy and terrified and furious and they’re back to stupid banter just like old times, but Spirit isn’t paying attention, because he’s anxious and nervous and panicky, and he thinks it’s fucked up that he’s so happy seeing Stein.

He should be furious. And, he is, for the record. However, at the moment this feeling is overridden by the exhilaration of seeing Stein again, of being so close after so _ , so  _ long.

He’d love to sit and talk and argue and cry and laugh and make up over everything at the very instant, but they have somewhere to be, they have kids to save, so he puts the thought on the back burner of his mind.

-

As they make their way home from the fight with the demon sword, Spirit can’t help but think about the uncanny resemblance between Stein and his daughter. There are so many parallels that line up, between Maka and Stein and between Soul and Spirit.

There’s a look in Maka’s eyes that he never noticed before, the fact that she’s barely restraining herself from losing control hides in plain sight, the girl is practically unhinged.

There’s a way that Soul would look at her in concern, as if he wasn’t just as crazy, that bastard.

Spirit has to shut these revelations off, because he has so much work to do and doesn’t have time for things so personal.

-

Stein shows up to the party, and as he accuses Medusa, Spirit is afraid that he’s lost it, but he looks at his meister’s face and he is dead serious. So, Spirit keeps an eye out, pretending he doesn’t flinch at the way Medusa nearly kisses Stein.

And then shit hits the fan, and he’s running and chasing after them like everything is depending on him, and his lungs burn for air but he is terrified to lose his daughter or his meister, so he pushes on.

He isn’t sure when he started thinking of Stein as his meister again, but he knows that this is not the time to ponder such meaningless things.

He jumps into battle, in the hands of the man he trusted most.

He’s surprised at how fast he started trusting Stein again, but chooses once again, not to question it yet.

And then, things get bad again.

-

Justin, Marie, and Azusa are reassigned.

He feels somewhat bitter that Marie has taken his place, in all honesty. (he and Stein were the perfect weapon-meister duo. They were incredibly powerful. Why had Death switched everything?)

There was a logical explanation for the situation, as there is for everything, but Spirit still nearly spoke out in frustration, only barely clenching his jaw to stop the words.

And just like that, things changed.

He isn’t even quite sure that Stein noticed his frustration at the whole event, and it’s a petty thing to be angry over, especially when the world was in danger, but a headache forms in the back of his head and he thinks he may be sick.

He leaves and feels breathless, this is all too much in too little time. This is all insane, he has only had Stein back for a day and he was already losing him? Fuck. since when did he even  _ want  _ his ex-meister back?

He doesn’t know, and he walks to the park feeling queasy, and by the time Maka asks to hang out with him, he’s needing an excuse to vomit, so he pulls his hair back and falls to his hands and knees.

He wishes that he hadn’t come here, hadn’t had to see Stein again, wishes he never teamed back up with the meister in the first place. But what’s done is done, and he leaves hurriedly, not in embarrassment, but because he doesn’t know what to do.

He doesn’t interact with Stein much after that. It’s an asshole move, he knows that. Stein is a step away from going insane and Spirit is perhaps the only one who could calm him, but it was Death’s decision to put Marie in his place, so he’ll let Marie handle it.

He doesn’t know what to do, so instead he ponders the issues that have been bothering him.

Why did Death choose Marie? Was Spirit somehow an unknowing enabler of Stein’s breakdowns? Was he untrustworthy? Did Marie somehow manage to resonate with Stein better than he did?

Spirit does not know, and it kills him. So he locks his thoughts and memories away in a corner of his brain labeled  _ stein _ that had been used for many, many years, and hyper-focuses on the task ahead. Save the world. Help Death save the world. After that, he can maybe work through it all with himself, or maybe let the wound fester again, depending on his mental state. 

-

After everything, Stein only has one question to ask him. “Why?” 

“Why what.” it’s supposed to be a question but comes out as a statement.

“Why weren’t you there for me?”  _ Do you still hate me? _

“You had Marie.” Spirit says simply.

Stein stares at him in confusion. Spirit looks back.

“But, I needed  _ you.” _

Those four words open a floodgate, and everything is whirling past Spirit and he can barely stand. He can’t comprehend the information laid out so simply before him. “I-I-I-... What?” he stutters, as Stein stares at him.

“Me?” he finally manages out after stumbling over his words for forever.

Stein breaks into an amused grin. “What, do you want me to say it again?”

Spirit is silent a moment before nodding.

“I need you Spirit, I always have. You’re capable of simultaneously holding me back and matching my fire. You have to be pretty damn special to do that.” 

Spirit is laughing, he’s laughing and he’s relieved and he should probably feel bad for Marie but he can’t, not right now, because everything seems okay for the first time in years.

He leans his forehead against Stein’s. “You’re the damn best meister I’ve ever had,” he speaks, still smiling. 

“I know.” it’s insanely over confident, seeing as Spirit had been wielded by Death himself, but it doesn’t matter because they’re both a little crazy, both incredibly unstable, and have a shit history.

And yet. Spirit leans forward and kisses him and maybe it’s not a cure, but perhaps it is forgiveness.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u sm for reading this!! its super self-indulgent and i know it wont get much attention, i just wanted to share this piece to anyone who is also in love with these stupid ex partners :,)


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